A Shattered Heart as Sharp as Glass

[☼ Sunstorm]

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[atrb=background,http://i899.photobucket.com/albums/ac192/fireb4ashes/Annie-Rose-Petal---BOTTOM.png] I wasn't sure why I was so thoroughly trusting this stranger. There was just an aura about him. I wasn't sure if it was the herb-like scent he carried, or the way his face and large size reminded me of my father. I could also tell that he was in my Pack, and that was the support I need right now. I needed my Pack, so I knew that he was obligated to protect me just due to the fact that we belonged to the same group. I could have faith in my Pack, if nothing else at all. 'He killed your parents, didn't he?' I stayed silent, only curling my body up tighter as I sighed softly. I was trying not to fall back into my sobbing state. He knew already. What was the point of confirming it if he knew? I closed my eyes, seeing the scene play out yet again. 'Forgive me for assuming, but the signs all pointed that way.' I remained silent, hearing him shift slightly. I did not get alarmed at this, because I had already accepted the fact that he was my friend, and my protector. I knew this, but I still could not bring myself to speak. I couldn't tell him how Zero had wanted to kill me, not my mother. I couldn't tell him how he said I was an abomination, that I should not be living. It was just too much. I felt a warmth on top of my head, and the gesture brought many memories of the same gesture, just from different wolves. My father often did the same thing, as did my mother....I shuddered, struggling to keep it all in. 'It's true that no pack land is safe from everyone, all the time. But there are still safe places.' No, no no no. How could that ever be true? I had thought the very same thing, and I had taken it for granted. As soon as those events had played out, though, my entire world had been turned upside down, and I'd learned the truth. The world was a horrid place, and no place was safe. If Zero could infiltrate the borderlines like that, then he could reach anywhere if he wanted to do it. I only whispered a faint, "No..." in response to it, not bothering to explain any of the thought process going on in my head. 'Do you have a place to stay for the winter, Annie?' My eyes were still closed as my head layed on the ground, and I squeezed them a little bit tighter before slowly opening them again. No, I had no place to go. I was a lonely soul, traveling aimlessly through the lands. My only home had been the den that I'd lived in my whole life, the den nestled in the valley that the sparkling lake had been in. I'd grown up there along with Runihura, Axel, and Draco. My roudy, yet loveable, brothers. I had no idea of their whereabouts now; they had grown up, and they had been normal. They were able to take care of themselves. As for myself, however....No. "No," Was my single-word response. I had no other family to fall back on. My mother had told me of my true father, who was not Stark but a fellow named Bonsai, and she'd told me to never go near him. I could never depend on him. And by the way Theravada had talked, I had a very large extended family, but she'd never given me names. There was nothing I could give to Aneirin to help him with. I was truly alone. "Nothing. And nobody..." I glanced sheepishly up at him. I could tell that his question meant he was going somewhere with this; would he allow me to stay with him? Or was I just hoping for too much? Suddenly it felt as if something gripped my directly in the stomach, and I could feel the overwhelming desperation. My glance remained on him, my eyes betraying the emotion that I couldn't put into words. "Can you help me?" I had meant to speak normally, but the words didn't come out right. I was croaking. "I have no one....No one," I repeated, my eyes unfocusing as I slowly looked away from him, down to the ground shadowed by his body. I'd often pondered over this, but now I geniunely knew. I knew what it really felt like to be alone. ooc:// Nah, he doesn't seem creepy at all! You're conveying the message just perfectly, really. ^^ And we could stay in this thread a little longer if you'd like; I rather like it, actually. Aneirin's healing her, and that's what I need to get her to start moving on. So this will be the whole turning point for her, so we can stretch this out more if you've got some ideas. (:

[Stardust]

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[atrb=background,http://i300.photobucket.com/albums/nn15/stephers1995/Aneirin---MIDDLE.png] Aneirin felt her curl up tighter against him, a bud against the frost, battered by terrifying pain, and for once he tried not to feel it with her. Somehow, having it confirmed made it worse, and he could remember his own losses. They were years ago. In this young thing's life, ages ago, more than a lifetime away, flotsam adrift on the sea of someone else's memory. And, in fact, he thought of them rarely. His parents, at least, had died naturally, though that had not made the pain much less. His sister, like so many others in the wild out-lands, had fallen victim to a territory-hungry wolf. The only wolf Aneirin had ever killed, though he had been too slow and too frightened for it to do any good. The feelings were distant, and he had learned to separate out the pointless ones--the blame, anger, desperation--from the healthy grief, but he could still vividly remember the sensation of "they're not coming back." Oh, he had made much more noise than this one, when he was young, howling, screaming at the top of his lungs, begging them to come back, come back, please come back, on and on until he had lost his voice and gotten dizzy and had to sleep. He had hoped, selfishly, not to wake. Briefly, he gritted his jaw, and then relaxed, mind clearing once more. In comparison, however fragile her body, Annie was strong. So frightened--he nuzzled the back of her head, making comforting whuffling noises--but that was more than understandable. This would take time. But already she was speaking, letting others in, thinking, however tentatively, of the future. "No." She repeated the word a few times, in answer to him, revealing the expanse of her emotional world. "Nothing. And nobody..." She looked up at him, and he smiled to see the fragments of hope forming in her eyes, sheepish, hesitant, embarrassed. Perhaps she would take his offer. He could think of no better hope for her than a safe place, proof such a thing existed, and someone to talk to the whole winter long. Or for as long as she wanted, for that matter. "Can you help me?" He sighed deeply, in relief and release. "Imagine, if you will, a way through the mountains." He kept his eyes trained on her, though they had a slightly distant look, as if traveling to the places he described. "The beginning of the way is well-hidden. I'm a healer, and healers have to work during war sometimes, which includes being able to work when others might not want you to. So there is a way through the mountains, starting behind cedar trees. It doesn't look like anything, a gap between the trees that leads up a few feet onto the pine-needle-covered slope of the hills and then gets too steep to climb. But just out of sight it turns, and burrows into the hill. The tunnel is winding, and has many false leads--but it's dry, packed earth, and you get to know it well, when you're being led. When it comes out again, you still might not know you were at a den." He looked at her, smiling a bit more broadly, hoping that finally using the word would give her the certainty she craved. "There are more cedar trees, and holly as well, and a pond, fed by a stream that passes through. It makes such a beautiful sound... And on the other side of the water, there's a shadow behind two holly trees. Well, you'd hardly even care to have a second look, if you'd made it that far and no one had told you. But between those two trees is the mouth of the den, shaded by their leaves which never fall, and the floor of the den is thick with soft, green moss." Aneirin let the image of his home settle in her mind, working out a way in the silence to take her there while avoiding the lake. It could be done. She would have to face it someday, but she could have at least this winter to rejuvenate, resting in that warm, hidden place that gave him peace to think of. He cast his eyes to her small legs, still now, half-disguised and lying limply in the long grasses. "We'll need to get you a little stronger to get there, of course. I can't cure you completely, but I can help with that." He fell silent, to let her consider, genuine eagerness to reach that den now in his features, the sense that if they made it there, he could bring this fae back. ((OOC: *sniffles* *dabs at eyes with a tissue* That was emotional! Also: cedar and holly are symbols of protection. Just in case you were curious. :) ))

[☼ Sunstorm]

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[atrb=background,http://i899.photobucket.com/albums/ac192/fireb4ashes/Annie-Rose-Petal---BOTTOM.png] My new protector touched his nose to the top of my head, and the simple touch comforted me while I realized that I had no one. If I had been a little more aware of what exactly I was saying, though, I would have realized that this was not sure. No, I had no family on the ready to come take care of me, this was true. However, in these long moments as I lay curled up beside him, I was forming a bond. The bond was flimsy at the moment, but I was getting attached. I wasn't quite aware of it, not yet, but I would be. When I asked him if he would help me, I was suddenly wary. Yes, he was comforting me, but would he go so far as to provide me a home? I wasn't his responsibility, and I was acutely aware of this. He sighed, and I couldn't read the emotion behind it. Why had he sighed? Because he didn't want to take me in? 'Imagine, if you will, a way through the mountains.' And suddenly, in this little fragment of my shattered world, all was right. A tiny sigh left my nose, one so small because my sides hurt. I didn't want to disturb that tender area. I closed my eyes, mountains rising up into my mind's eye. He was painting an entire landscape within my mind. Each sentence altered the scene slightly; trees grew into the landscape, thick in certain places unless you knew where to go. There was a pass through the mountains, making the traveling easy. It was hilly here, though, and I liked that. I liked this sort of terrian. Then he led me to a secret burrow, one that branched out in many places and offered security. A den where I would be safe....Would he take me there? I didn't open my eyes, but I let him continue with painting this unfamiliar territory. There was tremors of excitement fluttering about in my belly. He would take me here? Surely he would. It would be too cruel to give me tastes of this glorious area without letting me see it with my own eyes. But then he said something that made me flinch, a word that I couldn't recognize with my own eyes but instead with my memory; the memory of my mother realizing I didn't know what she meant by the green grass. Of course, how would Aneirin know that this was another one of my problems? I wouldn't tell him. Somehow I'd get around not seeing colors while not letting him know. 'We'll need to get you a little stronger to get there, of course. I can't cure you completely, but I can help with that.' I opened my eyes then, seeing that he was looking at my legs. They hurt, especially at the place that they connected to my body. The pads were sore, too, because I had just completely overused them. Even though I hated this state I was in, I remembered that it was better to be damaged than dead. I wanted to go, though. I didn't know exactly what toll that would take on me, traveling even more, but I wanted to see this beautiful place with my own eyes. I stirred, knowing I needed to get up, but I felt weary. I didn't want to move, but I did. "Is it far?" ooc:// Awww, she's getting stronger! :DD You're doing great with Aneirin, by the way; he's just the thing she's needed this entire time. Also, I was thinking that it'd be fun to play out him figuring out she can't see colors. I just have a little scene in my mind that seems cool to write out; we can do this when they get home, if you want. Another thread, even; I'm up for anything.

[Stardust]

((OOC: Thank you! :) :) :) I am absolutely loving this thread. It's actually really healing to write Aneirin's parts right now, and I can feel so much for Annie through what you're writing.

Do tell me about your idea! I wanted to hear what you were thinking before I responded, though I've been dangling this thread in front of myself as the reward for finishing my schoolwork lately. ;P My next step, more or less, is going to be to get her certain herbs to help control the trembling. We can do that here or in another thread (a traveling thread on the way to the den/the den thread, with a traveling section in the beginning?), but either way it could be an opportunity for the color thing. Since the flowers are colorful and all.

Well, anyway, enough rambling. You tell me your idea, and we'll go from there! I <3 this thread filler I <3 this thread filler I <3 this thread filler I <3 this thread filler I <3 this thread filler I <3 this thread filler I <3 this thread filler I <3 this thread filler I <3 this thread filler I <3 this thread filler I <3 this thread filler))

[☼ Sunstorm]

ooc:// I was just thinking of him prompting her to retrieve something; at first I was thinking some oddly colored rocks, though a flower or even a herb would work perfectly. I just imagined him telling her to get something, and then she would be panicking because she wouldn't know how to tell the difference! But anything at all would be fine, because the entire world is full of color. I was thinking that maybe she would be able to fake it at first, that somehow she chooses the right thing after moments of hesitation, but then she picks the wrong one a second time. Just for dramatical effect.

I'm think it would be alright if we just had them travel here; I've been trying to get better in geographical descriptions, to be more creative, and this would give me the opportunity.

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[Stardust]

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[atrb=background,http://i300.photobucket.com/albums/nn15/stephers1995/Aneirin---MIDDLE.png] Annie also looked at her legs, recognizing the problem; he thought for a moment that he might have discouraged her, or even hurt her feelings, but then she asked: "Is it far?" She would come! He felt like he had triumphed. There was still the journey to go, of course, and she wouldn't be healed right away. Dealing with death took time in the best of circumstances, and this was hardly the best. But now he truly believed that she would recover--he could see vague, tantalizing glimpses of her future, a full grown wolf. In that image, he realized that he would be older, the darker gray on his muzzle turned to lighter gray and fully to white. It was a bittersweet thought; he only hoped he would be around for her as long as possible. The tense, waiting silence brought him back to the present, and he laughed with pleasure and delight, his tail giving the ground a few hearty thumps before settling down. "Not so far at all, graceling," he said. "Maybe a day's full travel, going at an easy, steady pace." His mind was busy working out the best route, a slightly more winding way than he'd usually take, but it went around the other side of the smallest of the hills, leading away from and out of sight of the lake, then into the pockets of valley where the tunnel he'd spoken of was hidden. "There are herbs that will help the shaking you have, and others to make you a little stronger and ease the pain--though you should lie still for a bit, at least." He gave her another swift, affectionate swipe with his big tongue, then carefully rose, feeling a little guilty at leaving her small body on the ground. He looked down at her, the sun behind him allowing him to look at her without squinting, eyes fully open and imbued with all the earnest promise he could muster. "I'll have to go collect those herbs. The beauty of these pack lands is that they're never far away...I shouldn't have to stray out of sight. If anything happens, or if you even feel too frightened, simply call me. And, Annie," He paused for emphasis, and gave a small but sombre smile. "I will be back." With that, he turned away, loping swiftly so as to make his mission shorter. Sure enough, he found a thin patch of arnica close by, and a thicker one not far from that. He had a good store in his den, so he only needed to collect enough for this dose. He looked up and back after every stalk he picked, finding Annie in the landscape, standing tall so she could see him. The relaxants would be harder. Lady's slipper he was unlikely to come by in the open plain. He walked in widening circles around the center point of Annie, his charge, eyes scanning the ground with increasing restlessness as he felt time passing. Suddenly, on the lower side of a slight hillock, he saw a flash of white petal with a yellow heart. He looked back to Annie once more, hesitating at the sight of her, exposed on the open fields. Then he quickly trotted down. The chamomile bobbed complacently in the chilly breeze, a very small patch tucked in a hollow in the earth. It wasn't as good as lady's slipper or valerian, but it should calm her nerves and legs enough for her to finish the journey and get to warmth and safety. Aneirin snapped up a few of the little flowers, then picked up the pace, surging back over the hill to see Annie still there. Relieved, he resumed his loping tempo, dropping the herbs before her when he reached her side again. He separated out the arnica from the chamomile carefully, pulling the arnica closer to himself to work on, and leaving the chamomile beside her. "Eat those," he said, gently. "It won't taste very good, but some of the shaking will go away." Wishing he had a stone to work on, he began crushing the arnica with his paws, pausing every now and then to pull it back out of the grass, keeping it unsullied. ((OOC: Okay, so just so I'm clear: we're doing the traveling in this thread? And yeah, I think an herb or something would be great. He could have the idea of training her or something.))

[☼ Sunstorm]

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[atrb=background,http://i899.photobucket.com/albums/ac192/fireb4ashes/Annie-Rose-Petal---BOTTOM.png] It was rather strange how he laughed, and to my numb-like ears, it was hard to detect the emotion. I was having a hard time with reading things like that lately. But whatever the emotion was, I understood his words. 'Not so far at all, graceling. Maybe a day's full travel, going at an easy, steady pace.' A full day....I closed my eyes, not wanting to move anywhere. It wouldn't be unreasonable to say that it would take an entire day, now would it? I never had any reason to think about it before, so I had nothing to compare it to. The only thing I was aware of was how my body ached, and how the idea of traveling made it hurt even more. 'There are herbs that will help the shaking you have, and others to make you a little stronger and ease the pain--though you should lie still for a bit, at least.' That I could do, and it was all I wanted to do, anyhow. I felt his tongue swipe over my head, feeling that brief sense of security. I wasn't thinking of how it seemed he would leave, to retrieve these herbs he spoke of. If I had been in a better state, this realization would come to me instantly, being the observant creature I am. I lowered my chin to the ground, my body slowly loosening the tension it had held for days. I did not say anything; that brief spell earlier, in which I'd explained (more or less) what had happened had passed as suddenly as it had come. I felt no need to say anything else, and suddenly I was too weary to do so. 'I'll have to go collect those herbs. The beauty of these pack lands is that they're never far away...I shouldn't have to stray out of sight. If anything happens, or if you even feel too frightened, simply call me. And, Annie.' My eyes opened at the sound of my name, though they wanted nothing more than to stay shut. I was injected with a returning fear when I finally realized that he was going to leave. He paused, and in the second I glanced up, I saw a smile before he continued. 'I will be back.' He turned, and after hearing a rustle in the long grasses, he was gone. After a long second, I sighed, my body curling automatically, as if being compacted would better protect me. My nose found its way to rest underneath my tail as I curled into my tight ball, though the movement made me grimace as I did so. I was trying very hard not to think, because if I did....Well, I would think very unpleasant things. I concentrated on what Aneirin had told me, that he would be right back. I reassured myself that if I just strained my ears, I would be able to hear his rustling about. I didn't do this, however, because I wasn't going to waste anymore energy than I'd already had. I could have stod up, too, to look over the tips of the grasses, but that would have wasted even more energy. I just closed my eyes and tried to do nothing more than rest to ready myself for the long travel we had ahead of us. I wanted to see this place by the stream, the beautiful place he had so amazingly described. After a while--I'm honestly not sure how much time had passed, because suddenly I felt really out of it--I heard a rustling that was very near me. I tensed, all that tension suddenly coming back as my head jerked up, the movement a part of my disease and a part of my own motion. My eyes flashed open, but as soon as I recognized that it was Aneirin returning, just like he said he would, then the fear started to melt away. I struggled to sit up, somehow managing it despite the pain of it. My eyes dropped down to what he had dropped. It was some kind of plants, and my nose twitched to detect the herb-like scent of it. It reminded me of the smell of Aneirin himself. 'Eat those. It won't taste very good, but some of the shaking will go away.' I hesitantly stretched my muzzle forward, my nose very much alive as it responded to the scents coming from whatever herb this was. I was kind of scared to eat it; not because I thought he would poisen me, but because of the taste he was warning me about. When I briefly reviewed everything that had happened, however, I realized that eating this would be nothing. I drew in a deep breath, steadying myself, and then opened my jaws to take the substance. He had been right. They weren't very good, not by any means. When I chewed them up and started to swallow, I had difficulty in doing so. My stomach heaved without my meaning to, but I was trying very hard to do this without whining about it. I was successful in getting it down, and then I took some more, just wanting to get it over with. I wanted to get going, even as tired as I was. I gagged at the last bit of the plant, my nose wrinkled and my eyes closed when I finally had something to say, something that I had been vaguely wondering from the time that he had appeared. "Can...Can you tell me something, Aneirin?" My voice was quiet, showing the exshaustion I felt. "Why do you help me?" After all, I was not his responsibility. I never had been. Why should he feel obligated to do anything at all? I had not been very much exposed to the rest of the pack, and if I had been I would have known why. As it was, though, I was left with a curiousity. ooc:// Yes, it'll be in this thread, I was thinking. ^^

[Stardust]

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[atrb=background,http://i300.photobucket.com/albums/nn15/stephers1995/Aneirin---MIDDLE.png] The full-body jerk Annie gave as he approached once more reminded Aneirin of how necessary these blessed herbs were, but it was still difficult for him to watch her struggle to get them down. She was so weak already that any extra effort probably nauseated her, and he looked up frequently from his improvised mortar and pestle, brow furrowed. Her stomach heaved visibly, and Aneirin froze--losing what little nourishment was in her would be nearly catastrophic--but as she had with her emotional pain, she choked it down. He paused entirely and watched her, a proud smile on his face. In the few hours he had known her, Aneirin had already come to intensely admire the strength and determination that rested inside this youngling's deceptively fragile body, a core of steel beneath lace. She finished the entire dose without complaining, breathing a bit hard, eyes closed, letting it settle. The big healer put the final touches on his poultice--which meant grinding it down so hard it was completely pulp--and then she spoke. "Can...Can you tell me something, Aneirin?" His body at rest, his eyes grew active, projecting an intense focus on her. "Anything it's in my power to answer, graceling." "Why do you help me?" He tilted his head to one side, glance softening from one of reading to one of thoughtful consideration. How best to answer her? What would she even believe, frightened and damaged as she was? He heard in her weary tone a combination of youthful hope and jaded mistrust beyond her years, laid upon her by the violent rip in her life. Aneirin glanced down at his paws, stained slightly green at the toes from the arnica poultice, gathering his words, then looked back up, benignly at peace. "Many reasons, graceling. On the most shallow layer, I'm a healer. It is both my duty to the pack, and, more ingrained in my spirit, a call I can't ignore. If I see a wolf in pain, I have to at least try to ease it. But don't you go thinking for a minute you're a job to me." His voice became almost stern at this point, but his swift wink and swifter smile showed it was only in play, to make a point. Beneath even that, though, in the serene blue-greens of his eyes, was a depth of compassion. It showed almost structurally, in the striations of darker shades at the heart of the iris, like mysterious architecture beneath bright, fresh water. "As a healer, I deal with the heart as well as the body, and so I can...see things, truths and feelings, about other wolves, more clearly than some can. And I can see that you're strong." He knew she would probably be thinking of her body just then, trembling, weak, aching, exhausted, and he kept his eyes fixed on hers, firm and confident. He thought of the memories that had come to him earlier, and decided to share them. "I lost my parents, too, when I was close to your age. A bit older, actually. My sister as well. And I did NOT handle it with strength. I howled and cried and begged the whole world--and my family--to come back, and kept going until I lost my voice and my breath and lost consciousness. I thought I was ready for death." His expression was serious, and he drew slightly closer to Annie, sitting himself down close enough to touch flanks, but still within easy reach of the poultice. "That was foolish, and selfish. I was born big, and I survived my own wishes and flaws, despite myself. You--" And here he smiled again, breaking the cloudy grimness of his tone. "You fight harder than I ever did, even when you're shaking and hurting." Aneirin lowered his head to her legs, sniffing, licking here and there, protectively. Then he wordlessly took up a mouthful of the arnica poultice and began spreading it on her joints, grooming it beneath the fur. He worked it into the muscles as gently and deeply as he could, to let it begin its work sooner--a spreading coolness, a pleasing tingle as the pain dissipated, tendons and ligaments relaxing and becoming flexible once more.

[☼ Sunstorm]

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[atrb=background,http://i899.photobucket.com/albums/ac192/fireb4ashes/Annie-Rose-Petal---BOTTOM.png] 'Anything it's in my power to answer, graceling.' I found it slightly strange that he was calling me graceling, but it was even stranger that it felt right. It didn't sound strange, even though my true name was very different than 'graceling'. I didn't really mind it. When I asked him why he was helping me, he was quiet at first. I felt another injection of fear; you would think that I would be used to this by now, but I was so acutely aware of each wave of terror, and it was so painful. Like I'd been mentioning, I was having a hard time with judging expressions, and that was definitely out of character for me. I was afraid that he was scrambling for a reason, but once again I was far off the mark. 'Many reasons, graceling. On the most shallow layer, I'm a healer. It is both my duty to the pack, and, more ingrained in my spirit, a call I can't ignore. If I see a wolf in pain, I have to at least try to ease it. But don't you go thinking for a minute you're a job to me.' His voice changed, reminding me of how my father's had been when one of my brothers had gotten into something they shouldn't have. That had happened a lot, and the memory hurt, though not as much as I had expected. I noticed that he winked, and there was some smile on his face. This made me feel better, though I was still struggling to get back to my true, observant self. Though he said not to think of myself as a job, it was hard to keep out of that frame of mind. From ever since I could remember I'd had issues regarding self-esteem. 'As a healer, I deal with the heart as well as the body, and so I can...see things, truths and feelings, about other wolves, more clearly than some can. And I can see that you're strong.' That surprised me. Me? Strong? My muzzle dipped at I glanced down to my legs, which were twitching feebly from time to time, corteousy of my twitching disease. Surely he couldn't really mean that, because it was a terrible effort to simply hold my head up and keep listening. I was sure that if I wanted to collapse into sleep, I could do it in about two seconds flat. 'I lost my parents, too, when I was close to your age. A bit older, actually. My sister as well. And I did NOT handle it with strength. I howled and cried and begged the whole world--and my family--to come back, and kept going until I lost my voice and my breath and lost consciousness. I thought I was ready for death.' I wasn't sure how this was helping me; I had done that, and I still felt like that on the inside. Though I was ready to see Aneirin's home, I didn't know what purpose my life was going to hold after that. I had already gone through the screaming, the tearing up of grass, and Aneirin just hadn't seen that part. He'd come up on me at the tail end of it all, when I was just beginning to die down from it. I was positive that if I continued to think about what had happened, I'd scream again. I was just blocking those painful thoughts with what defense I could muster. 'That was foolish, and selfish. I was born big, and I survived my own wishes and flaws, despite myself. You--' I hadn't even noticed that he'd come closer to sit by me, but I'd sunk into my thoughts for a brief moment, rendering me uncapable of noticing it. I glanced up to him, noting his smile and catching up with what he had said. 'You fight harder than I ever did, even when you're shaking and hurting.' I had to glance away, fiercely denying that in my mind, though there was a strange feeling with the origin being my chest. I felt....incredibly flattered, though I knew he was wrong. I didn't know what to say, though, and when I didn't know what to say, I kept my mouth shut until I could think properly. I glanced back to see what he was doing when I felt him touching at my legs; I had jumped, startled with the sudden touch, and then grimaced slightly with the pain of it. He was rubbing something on there, though, and the effects of it was nearly instant. It was soothing, and as time continued to pass, I felt a strange sensation. I think the pain was ebbing away, slowly, but I couldn't quite tell. I was still struggling to figure out what to say regarding the reasons he was helping me. I hated being quiet, because I was worried that maybe he'd think I was being rude--this thought, however, was quite ridiculous under the circumstances, but my mind was still off. After we got to the place by the stream and I'd slept for a while, I'd be myself again. I opened my mouth a few times to start to speak, though every time I backtracked and stayed silent. Finally, though, I went through with it. "I'm sorry about your loss, Aneirin," I said softly, at least speaking to let him know I had indeed been listening. I paused, absently studying a small blade of grass by my front right paw. "You didn't deserve that. But your reaction was no different than mine. You just didn't see that part," I said, still not looking at him, and sighing softly at the end of the sentence. I hated feeling sorry for myself, because it felt selfish of me, but it was hard not to when I was facing this situation.

[Stardust]

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[atrb=background,http://i300.photobucket.com/albums/nn15/stephers1995/Aneirin---MIDDLE.png] As he'd expected, she glanced skeptically down at her slightly twitching limbs--was the twitching slowing as the herbs she'd eaten kicked in?--when he described her as strong. Finished with his ministrations for now, he took the opportunity to rather delicately turn and spit out the remaining poultice. He rubbed his muzzle in the dewy grass, licked up some of the water to clean the painfully sharp flavor from his tongue, but his nose and mouth still had a slightly greenish tint to them. It would have to do for the moment, at least. When he got them back to his stream, he could clean himself properly. "I'm sorry about your loss, Aneirin," Annie said, tentatively, still deeply uncertain. He smiled slightly to hear her use his name, feeling trusted, and honored with that trust. The smile had a tinge of sadness to it, but no more than the faint herbal green on his pale fur. "Thank you. It was years ago," he said softly. "It still hurts, but it's like a tender, sweet bruise, the memory of them, that I keep with me for the good feelings that outweigh the pain." "But your reaction was no different than mine. You just didn't see that part," she protested, still looking down at the ground, seeming ashamed of her own pain. Aneirin lowered himself once more, his head closer to hers, though not so close that she would be forced to meet his gaze. He took a deep breath and let it out, ribs expanding and relaxing in a comfortable way, thick winter coat settling down after a flurry of movement. "No, Annie my graceling, I did--at least, enough. But there's still this difference--I only lived because I couldn't escape my own body. It fought for me simply by being the way it is--big, and warm, and strong, and stubborn." As if to illustrate his point, the wind picked up, rifling through the thickest fur on his body--the ruff that rested like a cloudy mantle on his shoulders. It managed to brush up only the outer layer, the warm, soft underfur still covering his broad back, the back of a fighter he never had been and never would be. He smiled, lopsided, a little wryly. "You, on the other hand, have all the challenges I did not. Faced with them, I would have died before my third year. But here you are, holding in your pain, facing it down as if you were better than it, choking down my horrible herbs, and talking, and listening." Now he did turn his head upwards, hoping she would look into his face, that he could express himself in the clarity of his gaze if his words were failing. His clear, untroubled eyes danced upward; his blunt muzzle bore his full smile; his ears were perked forward, darker tips outlining the pale white fur within. Aneirin poured all of himself into his gaze, emoting powerfully, letting warmth and affection and protectiveness and tender admiration spill into his visage from everywhere he felt it, a nearly physical sensation that bubbled from the roots of his being. "How do you feel?" Very softly whispered, it was a statement of paternal love disguised as a practical inquiry. He allowed it to rest there, like an early snowflake drifting cautiously down on a windless day.