Under a Winter Sun (Auburn)

[Aylenni]

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[atrb=background,http://i53.tinypic.com/j97kg8.jpg] ”Oh, really?” Auburn’s ears pricked up. Kayden shrugged. ”Okay, so it was mostly the hunting that she taught me. Her father taught her, and she showed me who to watch to learn to fight. But if it weren’t for her, I wouldn’t have been able to do anything.” He blushed at her comment about why she had left the search for her mother. She blushed a little, too, but it was more from shame than anything else. He wasn’t the only reason she was giving up the search, but she didn’t have the heart to tell him. Kayden just didn’t have the strength to tell him that she’d had an encounter with her deities (so she thought) before she’d left home, and that they had told her to seek out Serena. ”Nature's first green is gold, her hardest hue to hold, her early leafs a flower; but only so an hour, then leaf subsides to leaf. So Eden sank to grief, so dawn goes down to day. Nothing gold can stay. " ”Nothing gold can stay,” she echoed thoughtfully. It sounded familiar to her, like a memory from a dream. ”That sounds so familiar.” ”You, my darling, are the flower. I just hope I can hold you for more than an hour.” Kayden blushed violently. ”Oh, stop,” she said. ”I’m as flowery as dirt is gold.” His words scared her. They were so close to something else, something she was most assuredly not prepared for. “Well, there's another poem that describes him well, or at least the way he acts towards his mother. Oh, and the other reason I know these two is because this loner traveled with my mother and I for a while, and he loved reciting poems. 'Some say the world will end in fire, Some say in ice. From what I’ve tasted of desire I hold with those who favor fire. But if it had to perish twice, I think I know enough of hate To say that for destruction ice Is also great,'” ”And would suffice,” said Kayden dazedly. ”I know that poem! I think your loner came through the desert once- my ummi used to say that poem on her good days.” ”That's pretty much how he thinks about his mother. It's a beautiful poem, ain't it? 'From what I've tasted in desire...' " He accompanied the words with a wink and a grin. Kayden laughed. ”From what you won’t taste in desire anytime soon, Goldeneyes.” At her comment about wanting to meet Serena, he froze. She frowned. " Yeah, sure, you'll meet her, just wait and you'll see." ”Auburn?” she asked slowly. ”Auburn, what’s wrong?” She had picked up on the tone of his voice. It was falsely normal, and she didn’t trust it. Auburn turned around and looked at her. "Listen, I don't think you should get into this. I know you can fight, but, but, I don't want to see you get hurt, okay?” Kayden looked at him as if he were crazy. ”Auburn, I came here…” She trailed off. She couldn’t tell him the truth. She couldn’t bring herself to. But she couldn’t lie, either, and there was no other way she could get around it. She swallowed. ”I came here to fight. I didn’t tell you everything. Before I left home… no. That’s not the right place to start. My mother is the right place to start. She came here, I know that. But she wasn’t… she wasn’t right. In the head. She went mad- we think one of her invocations as shaman went wrong. Her invocations were… she called on the desert spirits to enter her body and help her cure a sick person or bless a pup’s birth or things like that. But from time to time she also called on them to foresee the future, when things weren’t looking good for the pack. But that was always at the command of the alpha. This time… she called on the Spirits to foresee the future of just one person. Me. It was completely against the Word, and that’s why the Spirits put the madness in her. But she left to find this island. She didn’t know it was real- she just thought it was a tale. About two weeks after she left, things started getting really bad for me. I don’t… I don’t want to think about what happened. But I was so angry, so full of hate that I decided I’d rather be dead than living the way I was. I was going to throw myself into a spinner, kill myself. I tried- but I found myself unharmed in the middle of it, and I thought I heard a voice call down to me. It told me to follow my mother to this island and do the will of the Spirits there, by bringing the desert strength to Serena’s side in the battle. The Spirits told me to come here, to fight. I think that means I have Their blessing. I think that means They’re watching over me.” Kayden felt an enormous weight leave her chest at the story. It felt so good to know there were no secrets between her and Auburn anymore. "You can chase after the fairy tales, but, please, don't join the war. Can't you see, I'm… I'm…” No. No, no, no, no. He couldn’t. He wasn’t allowed. Kayden flushed and kept walking, moving away from him though he tried stepping closer, and this time she didn’t dare to look at his eyes. ”I can take care of myself, you know,” she told him, heart fluttering. She loved him, but it was so hard, so scary. She wasn’t ready. Will I ever be? she wondered, but at the moment she didn’t care about the answer. For the time being, she wasn’t ready. She was just scared. ”And if I can’t, then the Spirits will. They chose me for this. I can’t just turn my back on Their orders, not when they’ve already saved my life from my father and Nelaros and sent me a healer. I have to finish my mission.” There was a frantic worry to her words now, a terrified tone that made her voice seem higher than it really was.

[Ember]

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[atrb=background,http://i278.photobucket.com/albums/kk107/puddinxpiexB/400middle.png] Things were getting complicated now. With each and every step I took with Kayden, with we were venturing on unknown ground. But I didn't care. ”Okay, so it was mostly the hunting that she taught me. Her father taught her, and she showed me who to watch to learn to fight. But if it weren’t for her, I wouldn’t have been able to do anything.” " You were lucky then. " I said, staring off into space. She most likey hasn't been in very many fights, lacking experiance. It scared me, althrough I didn't show it. ”Nothing gold can stay,that sounds so familiar.” ...... ”Oh, stop, I’m as flowery as dirt is gold.” I blinked at that comment. " Geez, I was just comparing, " I said, trying to sound teaseingly annoyed. So she might not be...flowery, but she is like a flower to me. I smiled at her. Tom-boy. ”And would suffice,I know that poem! I think your loner came through the desert once- my ummi used to say that poem on her good days.” Wow. This was getting insane and slightly creepy. But I liked it. " Kayden......this is weird, " I said, relishing the taste of her name on my tounge. My brow was furrowed in confusion. Why so many simalties? ”Auburn? Auburn, what’s wrong?”..... ”Auburn, I came here…I came here to fight. I didn’t tell you everything. Before I left home… no. That’s not the right place to start. My mother is the right place to start. She came here, I know that. But she wasn’t… she wasn’t right. In the head. She went mad- we think one of her invocations as shaman went wrong. Her invocations were… she called on the desert spirits to enter her body and help her cure a sick person or bless a pup’s birth or things like that. But from time to time she also called on them to foresee the future, when things weren’t looking good for the pack. But that was always at the command of the alpha. This time… she called on the Spirits to foresee the future of just one person. Me. It was completely against the Word, and that’s why the Spirits put the madness in her. But she left to find this island. She didn’t know it was real- she just thought it was a tale. About two weeks after she left, things started getting really bad for me. I don’t… I don’t want to think about what happened. But I was so angry, so full of hate that I decided I’d rather be dead than living the way I was. I was going to throw myself into a spinner, kill myself. I tried- but I found myself unharmed in the middle of it, and I thought I heard a voice call down to me. It told me to follow my mother to this island and do the will of the Spirits there, by bringing the desert strength to Serena’s side in the battle. The Spirits told me to come here, to fight. I think that means I have Their blessing. I think that means They’re watching over me.” My eyes blazed in sudden anger. She had tried to kill herself! "Kayden...." I said, surprised at the anger in my voice. I stared down at the ground, so she wouldn't have to feel the full force of my anger. " Don't you ever, ever do that again!" My voice was a snarl almost. Control yourself, Auburn. control, control. I took a deep breath. " Intresting story, Kayden, but try to not think yourself immortal. Something bad always happens to those who think that, " I said, my voice now calm and oddly strianed, a fight for control. " Remember all those stories when you were younger?" My tail twitched, betraying my anger. Control, control. Keep that in your head. Keep a cool head, not like your brother. This family doesn't need two hot-heads in it, no matter what. ”I can take care of myself, you know,” " Barely, " I snarled out, my control breaking. " Besides, two is always better than one. Keep that in mind Kayden, " At this point as I was tempted to walk away from her, just go away. but no, I couldn't risk that. I wanted to be near her, even if she hated me. Even if I was tempted to hurt her. That was the trouble. My temper. ”And if I can’t, then the Spirits will. They chose me for this. I can’t just turn my back on Their orders, not when they’ve already saved my life from my father and Nelaros and sent me a healer. I have to finish my mission.” She sounded worried now. that calmed me down. " Shh, Kayden. There's still time. This war has barely started. Look, why don't we do what we need to do first? Calm down. One thing at a time, " I was started to babble and I knew it. But Kayden got me worried just by being worried. I was afraid for her. Why couldn't she just see that?! I lashed out my tail, mainly out of frustration, and not anger. My eyes were still that cool molten color they settle into when my emotions don't get carried away, althrough now there was worriedness in them. Kayden.....

[Aylenni]

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[atrb=background,http://i53.tinypic.com/j97kg8.jpg] ”Kayden… Don’t you ever, ever do that again!” Tears sprang to her olive eyes. ”Don’t you get it? I couldn’t live like that anymore! There was nothing to live for after my ummi left! I just… I would rather have died that lived that way, letting my father hand me over to some strange, dirty male, and knowing that my life depended on his mercy and my willingness, knowing I’d have to… to share his dirty pups and let him beat me like my mother was beaten, knowing I’d go mad one day myself! I couldn’t live like that, Auburn. I couldn’t stand it.” The sadness in her voice contrasted sharply to the anger in his. ”Interesting story, Kayden, but try to not think yourself immortal. Something bad always happens to those who think that. Remember all those stories when you were younger?" ”I know that,” she replied, shaking her head after he drew his long breath. ”But I think… so long as I’m not, you know, completely stupid, I’ll have a chance at seeing this through. I didn’t have much of a choice, anyway. That storm would have killed me. They kill wolves every year; I’m small even for my own people. The spinner could have picked me up and spit me out miles away. I survived for a reason, Auburn. If I turn my back on it, it’s like I’m saying I’m not grateful for my life, and I am. That… that day changed me- it defined me. I can’t turn my back on it, or I lose everything.” She thought it might have cooled him down a little. But when she told him nervously that she could take care of herself, the tension shattered. "Barely.” Kayden blinked, stunned into silence for a moment. Then, fire blossomed in her heart, warming her as easily as lying in the hot sand. ”Well, excuse me for breathing!” she snapped. ”Would you rather I never fought? Would you rather I’d let Nelaros take me and beat me and… and claim me?” She accompanied the words with a shudder. When she spoke next, her voice was softer. ”Would you rather I gave in? Whether I can always hold my own or not, I have to fight.” She bent her neck low and looked up into his gold eyes, clouded over with worry. ”Auburn,” she said quietly, ”I do not fear death. I fear a life where I can’t be myself. I’d rather die than stifle myself that way. I need you to understand that.” “Besides, two is always better than one. Keep that in mind Kayden." ”I won’t forget,” she promised, smiling at him a little. There were still tears in her eyes, but she blinked them away. ”I swear to you, I won’t forget.” "Shh, Kayden. There's still time. This war has barely started. Look, why don't we do what we need to do first? Calm down. One thing at a time." Kayden shook her head. ”We should find your brother. My ummi… my ummi can wait. She’s smart, even through her madness. She knows how to survive, and how to heal. She doesn’t like people much, so she’ll probably stay out of this mess. She’ll be fine. But your brother… he and his family sound right in the thick of things. We should see to their safety first of all. After that… after that, we’ll talk. About what we’re going to do for this war. But for now, there are pups on the way. And I have to admit,” she said, with a wicked gleam in her eye, ”I’m awfully curious about this brother of yours.” She laughed and smiled at Auburn. They would have trouble, she knew. It was coming, and when it came it would be black and hot and sticky and painful. But for the moment, she could outrun the pain. For the moment, she could forget that it was coming…

[Ember]

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[atrb=background,http://i278.photobucket.com/albums/kk107/puddinxpiexB/400middle.png] ”Don’t you get it? I couldn’t live like that anymore! There was nothing to live for after my ummi left! I just… I would rather have died that lived that way, letting my father hand me over to some strange, dirty male, and knowing that my life depended on his mercy and my willingness, knowing I’d have to… to share his dirty pups and let him beat me like my mother was beaten, knowing I’d go mad one day myself! I couldn’t live like that, Auburn. I couldn’t stand it.” I closed my eyes painfully. " I'm....I'm sorry. I know what you mean, well, I don't, but I understand....." I said. It's true, I did understand. Even if I've never been in a situation like that before, I understood what she felt, feels like. I opened my eyes again. ”But I think… so long as I’m not, you know, completely stupid, I’ll have a chance at seeing this through. I didn’t have much of a choice, anyway. That storm would have killed me. They kill wolves every year; I’m small even for my own people. The spinner could have picked me up and spit me out miles away. I survived for a reason, Auburn. If I turn my back on it, it’s like I’m saying I’m not grateful for my life, and I am. That… that day changed me- it defined me. I can’t turn my back on it, or I lose everything.” I nodded. " But what if you survived for another reason? What if they gave you another chance so you could live the life you wanted, dreamed? You didn't live so you throw your life away in a stupid fight. I know that much. What if....? What if.....?" My voice was barely higher than a whisper. What if there was a perfect life for Kayden? She deserved it. I didn't. " You deserve it, " She deserves everything she ever wanted. Everything. ”Well, excuse me for breathing! ould you rather I never fought? Would you rather I’d let Nelaros take me and beat me and… and claim me? Would you rather I gave in? Whether I can always hold my own or not, I have to fight" I looked away from her and waited out her angry outburst, my eyes sad. I didn't mean to hurt her so she'd lash out in anger. When she was done, I managed to look at her again. " Kayden......." There was wistfullness in my voice. I shook my head to clear it of straying thoughts. " I didn't say you didn't have to fight. I'm saying....oh, never mind! " I snapped at her for apparently no reason at all. She just didn't understand why I was so worried about her. Not at all. I looked off into the sky so I didn't stare into her olive green eyes. So she wouldn't think my angry was at her. Nonono. Never. Hopefully never. No I was angry at all the fools who had hurt her. As always. ”Auburn,I do not fear death. I fear a life where I can’t be myself. I’d rather die than stifle myself that way. I need you to understand that.”....... ”I won’t forget, I swear to you I won't forget, " " I do, " I mumbled quietly. " And I remember promises, " I added. I'll never forget this converstaion. Never. ”We should find your brother. My ummi… my ummi can wait. She’s smart, even through her madness. She knows how to survive, and how to heal. She doesn’t like people much, so she’ll probably stay out of this mess. She’ll be fine. But your brother… he and his family sound right in the thick of things. We should see to their safety first of all. After that… after that, we’ll talk. About what we’re going to do for this war. But for now, there are pups on the way. And I have to admit, I'm awfully curious about this brother of yours, " I smiled. " Well, you'll have to stay curious a little longer, Kayden. It's pretty far away. Race you?" I smirked, eager for a challenge. Even more eager if it involves Kayden. I wagged my tail, eager to get away from the topsy turny emotions and ready to run.

[Aylenni]

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[atrb=background,http://i53.tinypic.com/j97kg8.jpg] ”I’m… I’m sorry. I know what you mean, well, I don’t, but I understand…” He opened his eyes again. Kayden was relieved to see that there was less sorrow and anger in them. ”But what if you survived for another reason? What if they gave you another chance so you could live the life you wanted, dreamed?” Kayden smiled. ”This is the life I dreamed about. I know there’s something important going on, and I get to be part of it. I get to be treated like an equal. Beyond that, what other reason could the Spirits have sent me on? A crusade to protect the weak and innocent, a struggle against cruel and evil villains? It’s like every story I ever heard about the spirits sending a wolf to do their bidding. For all their flawed teachings involving women, the Spirits have always advocated protecting the innocent. I don’t… I can’t explain it, but I just… I know this is what they want me to do.” ”You didn’t live so you throw your life away in a stupid fight, I know that much. What if… what if… You deserve it.” Kayden blushed furiously. ”I—I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she stammered, thinking Oh, Spirits, please. Don’t bring this out into the open so soon. At least give me some time to get used to the idea. If he says anything now… if he says anything now I’m just going to run- and run- and run. She dreaded that sentence, those three little words. One was enough to paralyze her. Her angry words seemed to hurt him, and Kayden regretted them. He said her name, once, a sad word that told her just how obstinate she was being. He shook his head. ”I didn’t say you didn’t have to fight. I’m saying… oh, never mind!” He looked up and away from her. She could see the anger in his eyes, in every move he made. ”No,” she said, ”I won’t never mind. What are you saying, Auburn? I don’t understand. Where there’s a fight, there will always be danger. But that danger is part of what makes it so important. When a person faces death and pain and anger and loss, all in the name of something they believe in, that’s called courage. And that’s something I’d like to say I have.” "Well, you'll have to stay curious a little longer, Kayden. It's pretty far away. Race you?" He smiled and wagged his tail. Kayden grinned. ”Thought you’d never ask.” She took off. If there was one thing Kayden could do well despite her size, it was running. The wind on her face cleared her mind of the stress and the anger and the sorrow. She let go of the pain and ran. At the end of the run there would be Auburn, and peace, and rest. At the end of the run there would be the Revolt, and the fight to defend the helpless and weak alongside the Warriors…