The Only One (Sinmar)

[† §arabi]

[atrb=border,0,true][cs=7][bg=000000] Soft cold flakes fell from the gray sky above. A shower of delicate snow that covered the ground in sheets of pure white. The paleness had settled over Traum, and hand changed the once endless red wastelands of the Lucifer territory into a wasteland of complete and endless white. It wasn't as awful now, with the snow covering it, but it still felt lonely. It would never feel like her beautiful Russia. But Russia was long gone, and so were its thick endless forests. The Lucifer lands held little tree coverage, but she had found some, however few to obscure her image against the wasteland and hide her a little more than she normally would have been. The threes were thin, gray, but close enough together to hide her pale multi-colored form from immediate view. Her frame was small, almost delicately formed, yet she moved in a way, with a feminine grace, that spoke not of complete delicacy, but of knowing who she was, and what strength even her small form could possess. Confident and sure of herself, that was the only true way to describe her from a distance, without actually knowing her. Her pale coat was mixed mostly of white, but of light grays and few actual browns. She was indeed beautiful, even if she was small for her bloodline. Yet it was those eyes that told who she was, the bright sky blue that seemed almost to have brighten in the weeks since she'd been here. No longer were they dull and almost lifeless, but color had returned, and with it, a bit of her old self. Kirill was a busy Wolf, and though she didn't get to spend a lot of her time with him as she would have liked, she had indeed found a companion that seemed to be a cure for her depression, and the eternal sadness that had plagued her for so very long. Sinmar. He was indeed a handsome brute, and though she was still unsure of how he had done it, he had lifted her spirits. It almost felt, to her, like he had uncovered the very essence of herself that she had long since buried. That day at the beach had been a godsend, it had been what she'd needed to drag her out of that darkness she had hid herself in. Since then she had spent a lot of time with him, and though they both enjoyed each others company to no end, she had come to quickly realize that the only real time she got to spend with him closely was when she was outside of the Lucifer Territory. She wasn't an idiot, and she had begun to go out of her way just to hear him following her. Of course she saw him often and they were found speaking quietly to one another, but she never opened up as completely as she did around the others, but only when they were alone. She was still suspicious of some of her cousins pack, and since she still didn't know most of them, she usually kept to Kirill and his family or Sinmar, or completely alone, like now. The thought of her sudden loneliness hurt her heart, and she paused for a moment, lifting her head to look around her. Was it sad or desperate that everyday she made her way to the outskirts of the pack just so she could see Sinmar when she didn't know where he was hiding? Not that he hid from her, but she was safe in the pack, outside it, she was not, which had been the reason Kirill had appointed Sinmar as her guardian. It wasn't her fault she wanted to spend time with him, to feel the things he had been able to bring out of her in a matter of hours that she had not been able to drag out of herself in four years. He had become like a security blanket, a drug she needed if she wanted to feel anything at all. It also helped that he was very handsome, she didn't mind looking at him when he wasn't paying attention, or when he caught her eye, she wasn't shy. She had noticed, however, that more often than not her ears or eyes always turned in his direction when he was near, as if her senses were in-tuned with him. She didn't entirely like that, didn't like that she was completely and utterly drawn to him, because she felt it messed with her equilibrium. Sometimes she felt off balance, and others, completely in control of the world, she simply didn't understand it. It confused her and she hated being confused, but she did indeed enjoy everything Sinmar was. He'd become the sun in her dark sky, and with his presence she was warm, and happy, and every time she felt uneasy or off balance, she thought of that, and she didn't mind. Her pale icy eyes scanned the area she suddenly found herself in. Her thick Russian winter pelt making her look just a little bigger than normal, but still feminine and dainty. Snow fell heavier now than it had moments before and it stuck carefully to the long strands of her fur, un-melted and laying in a very thin blanket over her. Despite it she still felt warm, though her paws, slightly sinking in the fresher snow, were a little chilled. She didn't mind though, the snow brought back her Russia, and she welcomed the cold that soaked into her paws. She was close to the outskirts of the back, lingering in the trees that stretched into the territory before fading into nothingness as it touched the wasteland. The trees were thicker closer to the borders and though her progress was slow, unhurried, she wished she was past the border, if only to hear him following her. She didn't know how he knew she'd gone, but even if she slipped off, using her Vory skills to ease out of sight, he found she'd gone and would be close behind. She'd turned it into her own personal game, though she hadn't told him this, each time counting down to see how long it took him to realize she had slipped away. The thought of it made her laugh, though it sounded almost bitter to her ears. She was no pup, but four long years without company was very lonely, and she looked forward to their little meetings. So what if it was like a yearling with a crush, though she'd have bit anyone's head off if they said it to her face, she'd gone through hell. Smiling sadly as she glanced back behind her, her eyes following the trail she'd made in the snow. Today wasn't about her little mental game. No, it was about something else. She wanted him to follow, hoped today wouldn't be the only day he allowed her freedom. She'd spent many days at his side already, and each one she had enjoyed with every fiber of her being, but she knew that her slipping away without sound or word, looked quite different in the eyes of others, almost as if she was trying to get away from him. No, she wasn't, but she was also trying not to look like a lovesick fool. The thought startled her. Lovesick? No, she wasn't in love, was she? It was just a feeling, he made her feel good, he made her pain go away, and he was very very attractive. But love? She didn't understand the word, was that what she felt when her heart picked up its pace? She'd never loved anyone but her family, and they were family, and her children, and look what had happened. No it couldn't be love, love hurt, a lot. It killed the soul when those you did love left you, or when you were forced to kill them to save them from agony. Her thoughts had definitely turned sour, and they brought tears to her eyes. ”Stop it Kiska... its been four years, Four long years. Its time to let them go...” she repeated to herself, words that she had spoken aloud when she'd been wondering in Russia. Never had they helped, never, but now, at least, the words chased away the sting in her eyes and the need to cry. Taking a deep breath she took a moment to gather herself once again, to chase away the pain that had been able to slip back into her presence. It only returned when he was gone, she didn't like when he was gone. Picking up her snow wet paws she continued walking, allowing her small form brush against a tree as if she were some type of oddly shaped cat. There was more to her need for his company, for though she longed for his company, there were far more potent desire's he seemed to stir within her, something only one single wondering male had brought out of her four and a half years ago. Of course that had led to her pregnancy, but she refused to think of that, it didn't matter, at least, she told herself it didn't. She desired Sinmar more than she should, but she didn't care, she wanted to feel it, for it felt warm, and sweet, a luxury she hadn't felt in years.

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[atrb=background,http://i899.photobucket.com/albums/ac192/fireb4ashes/SinmaR---MIDDLE.jpg] Oh how things had changed for Sinmar. A little Russian flower had drifted into his life and shook things up for him. After such a long time doing the same routine every day her presence was like a rough wind that blew him off course. Though he didn't really mind it, it was a pleasant change, one that he was greatly enjoying. He had found a certain comfort with Kiska, she provided him a sort of freedom from the serious business of being the beta of a large pack. She was his escape and he was no longer willing to give that up. It was a slight obsession sure but Sinmar would never let that show. He was still trying to deal with his new found feelings for his companion. He had spent many hours alone, just thinking about her and what she meant to him. A complete stranger who had fallen into his life now meant very much to him. She started out as a target, a blank figure who he had been sent to watch over and protect. Now she was a beautiful wolf who had a very firm grip on his heart. The very thought made the male's stomach flip and twist around. This was an emotion he hadn't felt in a long while. He had never actually taken a mate before. He had had flings and short excursions but never had he actually considered committing to a female. Only now was he actually thinking about it, honestly wondering if it work between them. He was certain that Kirill would approve of his cousin as the Beta Female. Sinmar had to swallow the lump in his throat, pausing for a moment to clear his mind. His vibrant orange eyes fell closed as he took in a deep breath, the cold air stinging his nostrils as he did. It was enough to snap him back to reality and he nodded his head once. "You got this Sin." He muttered to himself, a mini pep talk of sorts. His eyes opened slowly and he pressed his ears forward. He still had a job to do and his target was currently making his life hard. Not that he minded in the least, these little meetings were the only way that they could be themselves together. He cherished them and held on to every moment he possibly could. He could see the game she was playing, always going just outside of the pack lands so that he would come along to protect her. He didn't see how she needed it though, for being so delicate looking she had a feisty side to her. A small smile formed on his black lips at this thought and he took off toward the land's boarders. He often patrolled here, searching for one scent in particular, Kiska's. Thick paws pressed the snow down as he jogged along, searching and praying that he would find that spicy yet soothing scent in the air. Sure enough he came across it, his nose tingling as his eyes locked on to the trail in the snow. What a naughty girl she was. A snort left his nose and he chuckled to himself. He took one last glance around to ensure that it would be just them again. Comfirming this he turned and continued to follow the trail. His paw prints landing on hers though his consumed them, leaving a messier, larger trail. The snow didn't bother him all to much, he had a thick coat and with his past travels he was quite used to it. If anything it made tracking easier as he was finding in that very moment. A few minutes passed and soon she was in his sights. There was little cover here and with his coat being so dark he didn't have any chance to hide himself. He simply strolled along, acting as though he hadn't just tracked her down for the hell of it. They weren't that far from the pack lands and he really didn't have to follow her out here. His tail wagged softly at his heels and his head lifted above his shoulders. A proud look came over his face and his ears perked forward, chest puffed out just slightly. His eyes focused in on her own sky blue ones, so beautiful and captivating. They were his favorite feature, the very thing that made Kiska who she was in his mind. He stopped just a few feet from her, watching as she brushed against the trees that were just starting to thicken. "You'd make a lovely cat." He commented, a charming smile forming on his dark lips. His heart was already racing and he hadn't even been near here for longer than a minute. Her scent was intoxicating and was invading his mind, making him feel as light as a feather. He let out a soft sigh before looking off into the distance. "You know you could just tell me where to meet you and it would make things much easier for me." He teased and smiled at her again. He was glad to see that she had cheered up since the first time they met. Such a sad soul she was, but he felt as though he had helped her which allowed his mind to rest easy for the time being. His coat was now littered with soft snow flakes, a beautiful contrast though they soon melted away only to be replaced by a different one. It was quiet around them, peaceful and the perfect place to spend some time together. He took in a deep breath and let it out in a single burst before shifting his weight. "How are you Kiska?" He asked, his tone taking on a more serious feel as his eyes landed on hers. A look of concern washed over him and his tail lay still between his hind legs. They could have their fun later, he needed a status report first. Word Count:1010

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[† §arabi]

[atrb=border,0,true][cs=7][bg=000000] "You'd make a lovely cat." She heard the voice just behind her. Her body stiffened slightly, a reaction that had begun years ago. Yet the voice was very familiar, soothing, and had her muscles relaxing just as quickly as they had stiffened. She'd known he wouldn't be to far behind, but being on your guard had been engraved in her head since birth, and it didn't stop now, not even if she was expecting someone. A small smile slipped across her lips a moment before she turned her head to look back at him. She leaned against the tree she hadn't quite passed just before turning around its thin base. She ended up on its other side, brushing her face against it as she'd turned to face him, a smirk playing as she seemed to continue to mimic a feline. ”Really? But would you still enjoy my company if I was one?” She asked, lifting wolven brows slightly in question. It wasn't really a question that needed an answer, and she didn't expect one. She watched him as his gaze shifted away from her, and for a moment, the smile on her wolven lips died. Her pale optics studied his handsome face, watching the emotions play in his eyes, and try herself to depict them. She knew he felt something towards her, it was clear in the way he looked at her, but was it enough? She wondered if he felt as strongly as she did, that if he would to turn his back, her heart would shatter all over again. Would his? The mere thought had her heart aching, and her eyes stinging. She turned her head slightly, forcing her gaze away from him so she could gather herself all over again. It was natural, her thinking the worst of any situation that could ever possibly lead her to happiness. It had been snatched from her so many times. With her family turning their back on her choice, their death, losing Kirill, and losing her babies. Why would it be any different now? She might have found Kirill, but she could lose him again, there was a war coming. And Sin... "You know you could just tell me where to meet you and it would make things much easier for me." She didn't even want to think about it, but his words caught her attention so completely, that her worry vanished in a rush. Her own heart rate picked up its pace at the sound of his voice, the hint of teasing in it as he turned those vibrant orange optics back on her. She smiled at him, and couldn't help but softly laugh. The sound of her laughter was more like music than simple sound, and it always had been, only now it was lace with amusement, and delight, rather than pain and sadness. She shook her head slightly and with the faintest twist of her lips a smirk played across her face. Her pale eyes flashing with mischief. ”But why would I want to make anything easy? Besides, I like the fact that when I slip away, you notice. No one ever really notices but you.” she whispered, her voice barely carrying across the short distance to him. Her smile had faded ever so slightly, which added a faint seriousness to what she'd said. She'd been trained by the best, and had been a close second to Kirill in his own skills save for the fact they did two very different jobs. It would normally be bizarre for anyone to notice her disappearance save for Kirill, but she knew Sinmar had a good amount of his own training. She also liked to believe that he was just that much in-tuned with her presence, but she didn't want to make herself feel that special. For what if it wasn't that true? ”Besides, I like making you search for me, it keeps you on your toes, doesn't it?” She grinned then, laughing a little louder as she moved forward towards him, two steps before she halted upon his words. "How are you Kiska?" The soft smile that had replaced her grin faded slightly as her head tilted slightly to the side. They stood only a couple feet apart, but for a split second, it seemed like that solid barrier she had placed between her and the world had slammed back into place. Had he seen her face before he'd spoken the first time? Had he been able to see that moment of brief pain in her eyes as her mind traveled back to horrible thoughts as it did when ever he left her side? She hoped he hadn't, she didn't want that pain to interfere, not today, not when she needed to be close to him. That pain always set her a step back, just slightly out of reach. Sighing heavily she turned her face away, and sat down upon the fresh snow, her long bushy plume flicking and wrapping around her paws. Audits flicked back for a moment as she peered down at the snow to the left of her staring at one of her own paw prints. ”I'm fine, for the most part. I can't help but think back on everything.... It...” She paused, glancing up at him and studying the look on his face. Would he judge her if she said it? If she told him that the memories plagued her most when he was not at her side? Her eyes narrowed for a moment, watching closely before a single audit flicked forward, and back again, flattening to her skull. Why was she suddenly so afraid to voice her opinions? Never in her life had she feared anothers reaction to anything she said. Sinmar knew she enjoyed his company, and loved being around him. He was the only one she opened up to besides Kirill, and even then, sometimes Kirill's mere presence hurt her heart, brought back the pain of having seen and lost so much. Sin wouldn't judge her, but then again, it wasn't him judging her that would hurt, it would hurt if he simply turned away. She tore her eyes away from him, seeming suddenly to have found something more interesting to look at as she focused her pale icy gaze on a place just over his left shoulder. Of course nothing of importance or interest was there, but it allowed her to keep him in view as well as not look directly at him. Her heart hurt as it slammed against her chest, and she swore, if it wasn't for her ribcage, it would have escaped its fleshy prison and would be laying on the frozen ground. ”Everything just comes back when your gone.” she whispered, her voice barely above the rustling in the trees as the wind made its presence known. The sting of tears threatened her again, but she forced them back, grinding her teeth before she pushed herself to her feet and turned back to face the tree she'd brushed her scent across. She peered up at its length, the thin base and its tall spindly branches. It was a sad tree, lonesome almost in its faint solitude from the others around it. Fitting, she supposed, to her own predicament. ”I leave because I know you'll follow. Whenever the memories start to show themselves I slip away, trying to get out of this place as fast as I can because I know you wont be to far behind. Today... today was fine, but I just wanted to see you, away from the others, from prying eyes. The memories followed me still...” She whispered, still watching the dead branches of the tree. She hadn't told him the reason why the memories had come back, because of her feelings and the strength of them. Something so close to love it pained her. She feared getting any closer to Sinmar, feared that she'd finally topple over that fine razor edge and admit it to herself. Love hurt, she didn't want to love, didn't want to feel the pain of it being ripped away yet again. Yet as much as she wanted to turn him against her, wanted to make him hate her so her own curse wouldn't befall him, she couldn't bring herself to even try and push him away. She was to selfish to let him go, she needed him, her own personal fix that she couldn't quit. Turning her body she sat down again, for the need to run rose so quickly it startled her. She didn't want to leave, didn't want to run from him. Didn't want the only happiness she ever felt to be gone. She turned her head back to look at him, watching him now with that old sadness in her eyes. ”Your like my own personal sun. And like a little flower, rooted in one, single spot, I'm drawn to you, and now I depend on you to give me life. How, is that even remotely healthy?” she asked softly, watching him closely now. It seemed for a moment that her confidence in saying what was on her mind was back. Yet it wasn't confidence that made her say what she had, it was fear, and the need to know, suddenly, where he stood when it came to her and her pain. She needed him more than she liked, but did he even slightly need her in any way? She didn't know the answer, and it scared her to death. Word Count:1587

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[atrb=background,http://i899.photobucket.com/albums/ac192/fireb4ashes/SinmaR---MIDDLE.jpg] Sinmar noticed the soft flinch from his female companion and chuckled quietly. He knew that she would react in such a way, as it was the norm for wolves who had gone through what she had. He watched as her slim body spun around the base of the tree, her face rubbing against it now as she smirked at him. That look sent shivers through his body and he laughed quietly. Her words made him roll his eyes slightly and he shook his head "If you were a cat then we would certainly have a strange relationship." He teased once more. Though it was hardly a negative answer. He would stick by her no matter what she was, cat or wolf, and he wanted her to know that. It was quiet now and as Sinmar looked away she felt her eyes on him. His heart skipped a beat and he glanced back at her, only to find that she was now looking away, a sad look in her eyes again. It hurt him every time that look would show up on her face. He sighed quietly and shifted his weight just a bit and moved to sit down now. His rump pressing the snow down firmly under him as his tail curled around his paws. He was quiet again and heard her laugh softly, the sound causing him to close his eyes and smile brightly. It was the most beautiful thing that he had ever heard in his life. He couldn't help but wish that he could always heard that lovely laugh. His heart skipped another beat at the thought and he opened his eyes now. He was in love with her and it was painfully clear now. He wanted to have her around for the rest of his life but how was he supposed to tell her that? He didn't want to lose her as a friend but he wanted to be so much more than her friend. He was torn between his selfish need to keep her around at any cost and his strong want to have her as his mate. He was truly stuck in the middle and didn't know which way to go. He was confused and lost and was wishing badly that he could read minds. It would be much easier if he knew how Kiska felt and what she wanted. That's all that really mattered to him, what she wanted. She spoke again and his ears twitched, his eyes on her's again and he could hear the faint seriousness and even sadness in her soft voice. He frowned a bit and let out a quiet sigh. "Oh Kiska.." He whispered softly, his eyes growing much softer as he gazed at her. She spoke one more time and her laugh filled the air around them. His heart swelled and he laughed then, shaking his head once more. "I suppose it does yes.." He answered with another soft chuckle, his eyes soft once again as he watched her walk toward him so that they were only a couple feet apart now. There was a moment of silence then after he had asked if she was okay. It looked like she was thinking about something, deciding on what to tell him. His head tilted to the side and he let out a soft whine, trying to get her to tell him the truth without hesitation. She sat in front of him and finally spoke, the words hurting his heart more than he had thought they would. He nodded a few times and kept his orange eyes on her face, watching that smile fade away. She was quiet again, looking at him with those beautiful but oh so sad eyes. His heart was aching just looking at her like this, and every fiber of his being was pulling toward her. He wanted to comfort her, not just emotionally but physically. He wanted to press his own body to hers and share his warmth with her. He wanted so badly to have her know that she wasn't alone any more and that he wasn't going anywhere. He shifted slightly and swallowed hard, his throat dry and sore now as he fought back every emotion he felt. He had to let her have her time, had to let her have her space until he was sure that this was what they both wanted and needed. She looked away from him in that moment and Sinmar felt himself sink a bit, a quiet breath leaving his lips. Was she going to tell him that she couldn't see him any more? What could possibly come out of her mouth at a time like this, Sinmar wasn't so sure he wanted to know. His heart was going crazy now and he was shivering a bit, his eyes on the ground now, just waiting for whatever she would say. What reached his ears caused everything around Sinmar to slow down and become almost nonexistent. His eyes shot up to look at her face and his ears pressed forward hard, making sure that he had actually heard that. He blinked a few times and in that moment he wanted to rush over to her and shower her face in kisses but he stood his ground. He couldn't act so quickly, not just yet. What if this was only because she was lonely and heartbroken and not that she was actually attracted to him. She turned her back to him again and he frowned again, watching that beautiful creature look up at that one lonely tree. He stood up very slowly then, his breathing uneven and his heart racing. He took a step toward her and clenched his teeth hard, his eyes narrowed and never leaving her form now. He was tense and ready to rush over there at the first sign of tears or any other show of pain or sadness. She spoke twice more and that was the end of it. The flood gates opened in Sinmar's heart and his emotions went wild. He cared for Kiska and it was now clear to him that she in face cared for him as well. He didn't hesitate to move forward now, his paws forcing the snow out of the way as he closed the distance between them quickly. The first thing he did was run his tongue along her cheek, a sweet kiss to ease her nerves and sadness as well as his own. He nuzzled her neck rather roughly and forced her small body to the ground. He stepped over her, towering over her body and began to litter her face, shoulders and chest in licks and soft nibbles. Quiet whimpers escaped his lips as he did so, his eyes looking rather wet though he held back the tears. His ears were pressed hard against his head now and he let out a soft laugh, nipping at Kiska's ears lightly. "Needing someone is never unhealthy, no matter the degree." He spoke lowly now, nuzzling against her chest softly now as he took in her scent deeply. He felt incredibly warm in that moment and more happy then he had ever been. Finally he was sure that this was the wolf that he wanted to spend his life with. His beautiful little Russian flower. He lifted his head to gaze down at her now, his orange eyes burning with a new passion. "I'll be your sun for as long as you need me Kiska." He whispered to her, a warm smile on his face as his tail slowed down. He placed another soft lick on the tip of her nose before he stepped off of her, to let her up. He cleared his throat and lifted his head a little, as though he hadn't just tackled her to the ground. He laughed a little and lowered his head "I like you Kiska. I'd like to keep you in my life for a long time if you'd let me." He said and smiled even more, still gazing at her with bright eyes. Word Count:1363

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